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Thanks to Phil Whitaker
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2548196
 14 Mar 2006, 20:53 #3522 Reply To Post
Hello Phil Whitaker

Thanks for your critique. I now know what to do to CLOUDS GATHER. Part One must be seen through the eyes of Blanche, my leading character. I more or less managed this in Chapter One because all we had was Blanche accompanied by her inanimate aeroplane who couldn't answer back. When Blanche lands in France, however, and gets involved in dangerous enterprises, I was tempted away from my heroine's thoughts and drifted out of her head thereby boring readers with details of plot that mean nothing unless they are experienced through the eyes, brain and ears of my beloved Blanche.

Phil, if you're out there, thanks a million. BACK TO THE BLOODY DRAWING BOARD !

James
This post was last edited by 2548196, 14 Mar 2006, 20:56
BriS
 14 Mar 2006, 21:21 #3523 Reply To Post
Just been reading the critique. Bloody good review that got to the nuts and bolts. I was reading your chapters and really liked the start but couldn't put my finger on what needed working in the other bits and he got it in one. That stuff about keeping close to the main character was it because moving away from her experience to events starts to make us feel uninvolved - as it becomes about events rather than characters we're interested in. Had a shifty through your reviews and though they were in the main great a few suggested something 'missing' but couldn't define it. I think you've just had it defined! Good luck, I think you can really step it up to the next level now. This makes me think a bit a lot about what to do with my stuff .

Stick with the main character like the early part and that's the road to glory James
This post was last edited by BriS, 14 Mar 2006, 21:25
2548196
 14 Mar 2006, 22:20 #3528 Reply To Post
Thanks Bris, and good luck with The Newsagent.

James
boomba
 18 Mar 2006, 10:09 #3794 Reply To Post
Hi, just joined and enjoyed the story. very interesting what the literary professional had to say
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