Thanks Alibali for your detailed review.

I am continuing to work on the emotions for the boys. I appreciate the feedback and will continue to refine my work.

I wanted to answer some of your questions here since your email was private.

Boric is a blacksmith who helped his friend Robert's father by working in field's to break the monotony at times. I should do a better job of distinguishing him as a blacksmith versus a farmer.

As a blacksmith, even a fifteen year old boy can be very strong. His profession would also account for his ability/knowledge of weapons and spikes. I will try to draw this out more.

I was trying to develop a way that a fifteen year old boy would be well read in tactics and strategy. His mother teaching him strategy and tactics fits into the story, which will be around 500 pages. (200 pages so far).

Like you, I also love Araki and Lilith as characters. If you like them, stay tuned for Lilith's daughter Serafina, who Araki trains to be a merciless assassin for the Empire. He also turns her against her mother and becomes her lover. By the time I am done writing him, hopefully people will love to hate him.

I actually have fifty chapters written and was not able to introduce all of my characters in the first few chapters. I think you will find them entertaining.

Thanks again for the thorough critique. This is my first attempt at writing, and I have a lot to learn. Feedback from people like yourself is crucial.

Johan

Thanks again. I think I may attach a separate prologue so that it does not take away from the 7k words. Boric's mother's identity is already part of my plot, but it comes toward the end of the book. I really appreciate your advice. Here is a spoiler.

Robert is the only heir to the Caldan Empire beside the existing Emperor. Boric's mother is one of their guardians.

Thanks again!