Thank you very much for the review. I will be doing some experimenting with the prologue so all comments are being given a lot of thought. I'm trying to read these reviews on my phone the past few days, but I 'll be home tonight, give it a better going over. I think FW are the way to go too. Get better feedback a lot of the time. Dumb ass should be two words, but she is saying it as one in this case, or thinking it. One of those on purpose rule changes that I may not get away with. Thanks for pointing it out though. I'll contact tomorrow if I have any questions. Very grateful for the extra mile with your thoughts.

Perfect sense. I just need to get a few more reviews and then I'll sit down and see what needs to be done. It's been a bit tricky for me in that I usually write for adults and I aimed for YA with this one. I had to sit and think back (quite a ways back ) on the thought process of a late teen girl, speech patterns, mannerisms that might be a little different from that of an adult. Then trying to bring the character of Naijan across. He's a true psychopath, but I want him to come across as this kind of happy go lucky guy who shows interests in people and things around him, until he turns and kills. It will take some experimenting to get both of them right. I would like to start with action in the prologue, but still keep this other side of Naijan coming across. The side that will make people trust him. I'd love to get some suggestions to play around with, so if you happen to have anything pop to mind . . . .

Thanks again. I love getting lots of little tells like this on what worked, what didn't, and what needs to be made a little clearer. I'm open any time you need another reader for something of yours.

It is difficult, but as far as I'm concerned that's what makes it so fun. It's a challenge to work out all these problems. And, I guess, bottom line, we never really get them all worked out. Flaws can add character too. I've never read a single book that didn't have parts I didn't like, even my favorite author makes me yawn every now and then.

Dumbing down a character is definitely a bad idea. I think it's just finding that individual voice for each one that I'm struggling a bit with. I don't want Jessica to end up sounding like her dad or Naijan in dialogue or thoughts. A few authors who have helped me along the way have said to pay attention to the dialogue and make sure the character doesn't change the way they speak. As in, one of my characters always says gonna for going to. But I wouldn't use gonna in the narrative. I wanted Jessica to use dumbass (something I'm prone to say) but she takes a risk of saying it to the wrong person (Naijan) and . . . . well, you know.

I can't make up my mind about having Naijan actually kill in the prologue, beyond what's implied anyway. I'm going to have to sit on it for awhile. The answer usually shows up sooner or later. And I may not get away with a prologue at all, as we talked about before. I may just up the action in chapter 1 and start with Jessica.

Send me your other chapter about V if you'd like. I'm happy to take a look and offer my thoughts. We may not write in the same genre, but this isn't always a bad thing. First editor I ever hired hated vampires and werewolves. It was a risk on my part because it's expensive, but she did a great job. I think a reviewer is more abt to hone in on those problem areas if they don't particularly care about the genre. I find it hard to pick apart stories I'm interested in as a reader. It's up to the writer to ignore suggestions they know won't work.