Not sure if I've seen yr name on the MB, but I was intrested to take a look at yr story & then messed it up when I came to transfer a freewill from Word - just repeating yr original text & managing to delete my notes.
Now to try & remember.
What I basically sd was that I think you did a pretty good job on a very difficult subject.
You didn't get over-emotional, although in some parts I think there was room to turn it up a bit.
As with the part with the kids taunting yr daughter - you cd heighten yr sense of anger & frustration there.
Also more of how all this affected the rest of the family.
You mention yr husband in denial, but that's all it gets. It must be very difficult to go into such personal matters, but I do think it needs more.
Also you mention near the end abt yr other children. Wd be good to know abt them earlier - something of their reactions to thr sister, esp on being told she had the syndrome....
More abt the faimily in general wd help get a better picture of the story.
Also there were a few asides to readers -talking to them as it were within the text- which I found a bit distracting.
I wasn't sure if that's the end - you seemed to have a natural finishing point, but there was no mention of it being a short story.
Apologies for the blunder. Wishing you & your daughter well.
This post was last edited by notleyab, 15 Apr 2012, 00:47
For we won't be the young ones very long.