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Literary Professional Critique of Flames of Herakleitos by Bob Lock << Return To Main Site

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Literary Professional Critique of Flames of Herakleitos by Bob Lock
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Bob Lock
 14 Mar 2006, 15:31 #3494 Reply To Post
Hello Phil,

Many thanks for your excellent critique of "Flames of Herakleitos".

You highlighted a number of problem areas, some that have come to my attention by readers on the site and some which hadn't been spotted before.

Regarding the latter, the "Britain" characterisation being the weaker of the two, yes I agree and that is one area where I will be spending a lot of effort to redress.

Murphy being contemporary is another insight which I will have to pay attention to, I did some research on female inspectors before writing in her character and found that it was in 1932 that the first female was appointed to this position, however, I hadn't considered that they were segregated from their male colleagues so that is another something I will have to pay attention to.

The doctor's sermon on Lucy's condition is something I've already edited in my latest version (the guy doesn't know when to shut up!)

The two harvestings being so close I hadn't noticed, again that will be looked at.

As you guessed, this is more or less a prologue into the story which only really starts when Lucy comes on the scene. She is the main character and the story revolves around her and the quest to avenge her father. Certainly I need to bring more flesh to her character, as you suggest, a little earlier on. She does flower later in the tale but I see she needs more work to garner the reader's sympathy and interest at an earlier stage.

All in all, quite a lot for me to look at, scary stuff, because this is only the first 10,000 words, I will have another 90,000 or so that have yet to see the light of day!

Thanks again for all your hard work,

Bob


Homepage : scifi-tales

Blog : Blogspot
BriS
 14 Mar 2006, 15:40 #3495 Reply To Post
Hey, Bob, the chapters are excellent and I've had a look at the critique and think they can only add to the strength of the writing. Thought he made some very good points about developing the setting detail to help develop the characters in the 60's. An interesting point too about the dialogue in part, and separating the story incidents. I was just trying to imagine the story with a bit more attention to detail and could picture the story benefiting plus the characters as I kind of saw what I imagined would be a more substantial 60's setting.

It's a great read already and I think this and the member feedback as well will fire it up to the next level. That aside, I'm jealous of your writing and it's light sabres at dawn
This post was last edited by BriS, 14 Mar 2006, 15:42
Bob Lock
 14 Mar 2006, 16:33 #3502 Reply To Post
Hi BriS.
Yep I'm very pleased with the critique, Phil pointed out a few things that hadn't been mentioned before.
Bob

ps aww... light-sabres, can't we use 'feel the fruit..Luke'


Homepage : scifi-tales

Blog : Blogspot
plaville
 14 Mar 2006, 19:25 #3511 Reply To Post
Well done, Bob. That critique is worth its weight in midichlorians!

All the best with your writing and don't forget - I want a signed copy of your first edition


Paul

andtuck
 14 Mar 2006, 20:10 #3518 Reply To Post
Well done Bob. The critique was really interesting and will give us all food for thought. The bit about the police being segregrated really surprised me - I would never have thought of looking into things like that ! I'm sure this will be a great help to your already fantastic writing.
This post was last edited by andtuck, 14 Mar 2006, 20:11
murrayhurray
 14 Mar 2006, 20:24 #3520 Reply To Post
Very nice work, Bob. There's been a lot of reviews for your chapters that added up about various elements of the story, the pro one seemed to hit the nail on the proverbial head for most of the key points as well as bringing up a lot of fresh ones. I'm finding the reviewing process as fascinating as reading the stories and can't wait to see the others.

Had a read of your story andtuck, really good and a great understated ending which doesn't 'lay it on the nose' but makes the reader think. You and HJW and some of the other short story mob should really get something together.
andtuck
 14 Mar 2006, 21:44 #3526 Reply To Post
Quote: murrayhurray, Tuesday, 14 Mar 2006 20:24
Very nice work, Bob. There's been a lot of reviews for your chapters that added up about various elements of the story, the pro one seemed to hit the nail on the proverbial head for most of the key points as well as bringing up a lot of fresh ones. I'm finding the reviewing process as fascinating as reading the stories and can't wait to see the others.

Had a read of your story andtuck, really good and a great understated ending which doesn't 'lay it on the nose' but makes the reader think. You and HJW and some of the other short story mob should really get something together.


Without stealing Bob's thunder here - thankyou Murray -wish you were reviewing it! I always find your comments on the message board helpful.
Mart
 14 Mar 2006, 21:58 #3527 Reply To Post
Hi, read Flames of Herakolitis and it was a real buzz. Hope you make it.
This post was last edited by Mart, 14 Mar 2006, 21:58
Bob Lock
 14 Mar 2006, 22:20 #3529 Reply To Post
Thanks for the good wishes guys, much appreciated

Gonna have a good sit down now and think about all the feedback received:omg:

Bob


Homepage : scifi-tales

Blog : Blogspot
Keiser
 14 Mar 2006, 22:29 #3530 Reply To Post
Sit back and think a long while so we don't have to compete with you
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