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ProfessionalCritique
 23 Sep 2013, 14:01 #172715 Reply To Post
Each month on YouWriteOn.com editors from Random House, Bloomsbury and Orion, provide an indepth critique of up to three highly rated Top Ten novel openings from budding authors, and provide mini-reviews for the rest of the top ten youwriteon stories. Random House, Bloomsbury and Orion publish authors such as Dan Brown, Terry Pratchett and JK Rowling.

Latest Critiques for August 2013 Top Ten and any outstanding from before then - Click here to view the top ten lists for 2013.
This post was last edited by ProfessionalCritique, 23 Sep 2013, 14:03
ProfessionalCritique
 23 Sep 2013, 14:03 #172716 Reply To Post
Bloomsbury Editor Critique of The Jelly Man Cometh




Dear Chris

Congratulations on being selected for a professional critique. I note that the opening chapters of your novel have, in previous iterations, been assessed by a professional editor before, but in this critique hope to provide some general advice that might allow you to improve on your writing, as well as suggestions focused on how you might seek publication.

Synopsis
From reading the synopsis I can see that you plan to fit a huge amount of plot into the novel – so much that I thought you might usefully consider simplifying it slightly. It gives a really good feel for the novel, but I think it should be shorter, tighter and more focused on plot (and should only include the most important details). The fact that the story 'interconnects themes of identity, belonging and loss' isn’t important for potential publishers to read at this stage. Remember that this synopsis should be explicit rather than vague – phrases such as 'Sion suspects that troublesome business is about to resurface' aren't helpful here. You should be prepared to explain the crucial background to the plot (even if it is information that will become clear later) without fear of spoilers. On a similar note, the last paragraph of your synopsis ('The feelings of disconnection and lack of identity are paralleled...) is unnecessary. Does Sion's mother have a name other than 'Mam'? If so, it might be wise to use it here. Finally on the synopsis, I wasn't sure about some of your language – the description of Sion is 'a lone mop of hair adrift on a ginger sea' is a confusing mixed metaphor, and why does the suspicion that Elwyn is Sion's father rather than Meurig loom 'like a wooly mammoth in the room'?

Anyway, it seems that in Sion you have created a sympathetic and lively protagonist that the reader will root for, with interesting relationships and decisions to make. That said, maybe you could think about providing more background about him. He has 'always felt a misfit' – why? The novel is obviously grounded in real-life events (the backdrop of Welsh nationalism) – I assume that these are subjects that you have real experience of? If not, then it's important that you make it realistic to those people who lived through the period and experienced Welsh nationalism first-hand. Do think about adding more detail about the setting to the synopsis – I assumed that The Jelly Man Cometh is set in a small valley town, but then noticed that you refer to Liverpool as being 'over the border' – does that mean that we are in North Wales? You could be much clearer about setting in your synopsis (as well as in the text itself) – it can be a really important selling point in a novel such as this.

Title
It’s a subjective issue, but I’m not convinced that The Jelly Man Cometh totally suits your novel and I don’t think it’s that appealing to the reader. Despite its literary allusion, it makes your novel sound more lighthearted than it really is – yours is more a serious novel than a comic one, but I found the title hard to take seriously. It is witty, given the importance of 'geli' in the novel, but you might usefully think about a less self-consciously 'zany' alternative. A bit of market research into the kinds of titles given to novels that you think might share an audience with yours might be a good start – I'm aware that you have experimented with other options previously but I don't think you're quite there yet. Could you consider using a reference to ‘Polar Ajax’ instead, or to explosions and family secrets more generally? To me, ‘Jelly Man’ requires too much explanation in order to link it to the plot of the book.

Structure
The use of two narrative time periods is a tricky device to pull off – have you thought about how you'll make it clear to the reader which time period we are in? And will the periods alternate chapter-by-chapter throughout? If not, you'll have to make sure it's not confusing to the reader. That said, I liked the smoothness of the transition with which you switch between the first and the second chapters, the reference to Sion’s thoughts about childhood indicating to the reader that we have moved back in time.

I think you should consider whether Sion is recalling all of these events from the same time period, ie with the benefit of hindsight. While the first chapter is written in the present tense, it’s hard to explain, but it feels slightly like Sion is looking back on events after they have happened. Some kind of framing device – perhaps he could be reflecting at the end of his life – could work really well, given all that will have happened by the end of the novel. I also thought that your use of dialogue to explain the expositionary detail occasionally feels a bit forced – for instance, when Bob says, 'Mind you, Meurig's going to be itching to level the score – after Scanlon gave the coppers the nod', could you instead consider Sion providing this kind of background information in his narration?

Tone and characterisation
The opening, in Sion's voice, is vivid, and you successfully portray his isolation in a small rural town – you really make the most of the opportunity to exploit the dark humour in his situation. He's obviously a real character, and you obviously thrive on make the writing lively, but some of what he says feels a bit self-conscious to me. Think about toning down some of his language – would he really say 'beer is the welding flux that solders me to this bar stool, the balm that soothes my nightmares'? I found his calling the pub 'The Piss and Fart' a bit off-putting (note that the use of italics is not necessary for pub names), and the joke that 'Perhaps that's where the 'lav' in lavatory comes from' feels a little forced. So much of the success of the book is reliant on him being a believable and likeable narrator that I think his voice would benefit from being more sincere and less jokey (think about whether phrases like ‘drops me quicker than a turd on a platter’ are really necessary!).

The opening scene establishes Meurig as an enigmatic character, with obvious charisma. Even though we only learn about him from the recollections of others, it is clear from reading just a few pages how important he is going to be to the novel from the mythology that seems to exist around him. I liked the shock that you create in Sion when he learns that his father is about to be released, although was slightly doubtful that everyone else in the community could have found out without Sion himself knowing – it's a fun dramatic device, but I didn't find it especially convincing!

I think your dialogue is convincing in the main, but wonder whether you could consider toning down the Welsh accents – at times, to my (non-Welsh!) mind, they verged slightly on parody. It might be how he sounds, but Dav-the-Corner’s use of ‘mun’ grated on me slightly, for instance. And later on, your regular use of 'you are' and 'he is' at the end of sentences in dialogue became slightly repetitive.

Market and conclusion
You mention in your covering note that you're keen to see publication of your novel in the 'conventional' way. As I'm sure you're aware, this is only one of several possible routes in today's market. Don't rule out the possibility of self-publishing, either in print or electronically – many authors find this a rewarding, not to mention lucrative, option. I think this might be a good route for you partly because, from the small amount that I've read, I think many publishing houses would find The Jelly Man Cometh a difficult novel to categorise – it's not necessarily a bad thing, but it didn't remind me of many novels that I've read recently! One thing that I was struck by throughout was how vivid your dialogue is – it occurred to me that The Jelly Man Cometh might be the great basis for a radio play. Is that something that you’ve considered?

A possible option for how to get published, given the 'Welshness' of the book, is that you focus on the local angle – there are several small Welsh publishers that breeding grounds for new talent. Working with them might provide an opportunity to develop your writing, and could expose you to agents and bigger publishers. If you do decide to stick to your plan of seeking traditional publication, when approaching potential agents and publishers try to target those who specialise in works that you think your own novel has similarities with.

I notice that you suggest that The Jelly Man Cometh is 'intended for the UK market' – this strikes an odd note. Even for fiction set in the UK, sales in export territories are very important to all big publishers and it's not advisable to limit the market that you think the book is suitable for in this way.
I imagine that you've already written the whole novel, but from reading the opening of The Jelly Man Cometh it’s clear that you have a good idea of where the story is going. It is an energetic start, filled with strong characters. Very good luck with it – I hope that some of my thoughts will be useful as you continue to write this book and others.

Nick, Editor, Bloomsbury



ProfessionalCritique
 23 Sep 2013, 14:04 #172717 Reply To Post
Editor Critique of IN MY LADY’S SHADOW

Dear Siobhan Daiko

Congratulations on being selected for a professional critique by your writing peers. I enjoyed reading these early pages of your historical romance novel, IN MY LADY’S SHADOW. I thought that these opening chapters were engaging and marked a promising start. What I hope these editorial notes will do is provide you with some useful pointers as to how you can hone and develop the existing chapters, as well as give guidance on what to pay attention to as the novel progresses.

Structure:

Structure is the backbone of any novel, helping to provide shape, focus and narrative drive. If your story isn’t well structured, the very foundations of your novel can become compromised. Obviously being a time-slip novel, your narrative will switch between Fern’s present day storyline and Isabella’s historical strand, with them interlocking more tightly as the story unfolds. Alternating between multiple storylines and character POVs (points of view) can be a good literary device to help ensure the reader doesn’t tire of either strand.

A small point, but I found some of your chapter endings a little abrupt and even jarring – you end in the middle of a scene, but not always at a particularly dramatic point (such as the segue between chapter one and two, with Fern hearing a sound from above at the end of chapter one, and then her aunt calling down to her in the beginning of chapter two). Your chapters need to break at a point that feels both natural and dramatic; otherwise you risk pulling the reader out of the narrative if it feels like an awkward transition.

Plot:

While I liked the beginning of your novel, I wonder if it would be stronger to open with Fern having a flashback to the Kings Cross disaster, rather than a historical flashback. Not only would this be a tense and dramatic opener, it would more closely align the reader with Fern. I think the focus needs to be more on her in the beginning rather than Isabella. Plus I think it would be interesting to highlight the contrast between Fern’s modern, chaotic world and Isabella’s long-vanished and equally dangerous world.

A common pitfall of dual narrative historical fiction is that one storyline is often much stronger and more involving than the other – and this typically tends to be the historical strand. It is absolutely crucial that Fern’s storyline feels every bit as dramatic and intriguing as Isabella’s if the reader is to remain invested in both their stories and feel compelled to read on. Fern does have a troubled and complex past – the tragedy of losing her best friend, a painful relationship break-up – as well as the recent complications of whether she will return to her demanding job, and whether she gives in to her feelings for Luca. The fact that Fern does stay in Italy rather than return to London, does face her past demons, does embark on a relationship with Luca, and does make peace with Isabella, are all somewhat predictable resolutions, but these need to be depicted in a way that doesn’t feel unoriginal or stale. You need to keep the reader guessing until the very end.

It isn’t broached in your synopsis, but I wondered why Isabella latches on to Fern specifically? Is she a distant relation, or is it just because she bears a physical resemblance to her? I think this needs to be explored in more detail if it is to feel believable.

Characterisation:

This is an area that you need to pay particular attention to when you come to rewriting your early drafts as I’m afraid I found Fern’s portrayal rather weak. She lacks charisma and personality in these early pages. Your protagonist needs to be unforgettable if your story is to successfully hook the reader. As much as your story is plot-led, it also needs to be character-driven. And if your characters feel underdrawn, you risk distancing your reader from your story. Likewise, I found Isabella too similar to other female historical figures. Don’t depict what is familiar about her, but explore what is unique and individual about her. Both Fern and Isabella need to come alive on the page and be equally strong characters if the reader is to connect with them on an emotional level.

You present some of the scenes from Luca’s perspective – will this continue as the novel progresses? And will other character POVs also be introduced? Like with Fern and Isabella, Luca’s portrayal needs further development. We’re told that Fern feels instantly attracted to him, but his charm and fascination isn’t apparent on the page. You need to get under his skin and lay bare for the reader what is unique about him, rather than portray him as a ‘dashing hero’ type. Don’t fall back on stereotypes and clichés in your characterisation. Opt for what feels fresh and original to really make your characters leap off the page. I would suggest reading other historical novels and closely analysing how they represent their characters, and assessing whether you connect with each character and in what way. After all, the first step in becoming a good writer is in being a keen and voracious reader.

Setting:

Setting is of course only the backdrop to a story, but it can be a character in its own right too, helping build atmosphere and even tone. And in historical fiction, setting is especially important, helping to transport your reader to a vanished period in time. You need to immerse them in this world, bringing it alive with the sounds, smells, colours, textures, tastes and sights of the time. Italy is a very sensual place, and you’ve already ably described some of the setting, but I think more descriptive details can be woven through in these early pages to really give the reader a sense of both characters’ worlds.

Genre/Market:

While women’s fiction is a strong area of the commercial fiction market, it is also one that is heavily saturated, meaning it can be hard for new authors to break through. And historical romance is a small niche of that crowded marketplace, so a new title needs to be something truly original and well-written if it is to stand out from its peers. And being a time-slip novel, there is also a certain suspension of disbelief needed on the reader’s behalf, as not only does your book revolve around two interconnected time periods, your characters are also able to inhabit one another’s minds. So this type of historical fiction will appeal to an even smaller readership. As I have suggested above – read, read and read as widely as you can in the area in which you wish to write – both fiction and non-fiction, bestsellers and unheard-of debuts.

Specific comments, queries and line notes:

Is it explained how Fern’s aunt Susan knows Luca?

You tend to over-use the exclamation mark, especially in dialogue and thoughts. Try to only use the exclamation where absolutely necessary, as if it appears too frequently in writing, it begins to lose its impact.

Quite a few instances of Fern ‘giggling’, a description that makes her seem like a young girl, not a successful businesswoman from London.

‘there hadn’t been diddly squat’ – phrasing seems at odds with the tone of the rest of the scene. Perhaps use something else here?

Conclusion:

I hope these notes have been helpful to you. As I have already said, I think these early pages mark a promising start but attention needs to be paid to characterisation. As well as reading as widely as possible in the area in which you wish to write, have you considered joining a creative writing group? Receiving regular feedback from writing peers can be an invaluable way to hone your writing skills.

I wish you the best of luck in your rewrites, and hope you continue to enjoy writing.

Best wishes
Natalie Braine

ProfessionalCritique
 23 Sep 2013, 14:05 #172718 Reply To Post
Professional mini critique for Dance by Amy LeClaire

Congratulations on being well rated by your writing peers at YouWriteOn. I enjoyed reading these early chapters of your women’s fiction novel. While I thought it was engaging, I did think your writing could benefit from further work. The prologue, although readable, didn’t really pull me in to your story – I think you need something a bit more intriguing and dramatic here to hook your reader and make them want to read on. Also, you tend to overwrite dialogue, such as the restaurant scene, where you give a blow-by-blow account of the conversation and what was ordered. These kinds of details, although realistic, add little to furthering the narrative or the reader’s understanding of your characters. Remember that less is often more with writing – you need to entertain your reader at all times.

While I liked the conversational tone of your writing, as this aligns the reader more closely with Felicia, be careful not to over-share, especially about the mundaneness of domestic life – the reader doesn’t want to feel like an agony aunt! You need to evoke empathy in your reader, not pity for your protagonist. You also acknowledge that some of what you say is clichéd – try to avoid this. Seek something fresh and new to try to express what you are saying. And tying in with this is your depiction of Felicia. While she is a believable character, she doesn’t feel charismatic enough to carry the weight of an entire novel. You need to work on getting under her skin and laying bare what is unique about her if she is to really step off the page.

Best wishes
Natalie Braine

Professional mini critique for The Rose Trail by Alex Martin

Congratulations on being well rated by your writing peers at YouWriteOn. I enjoyed reading the opening pages of your historical mystery novel. But I felt the present day strand was somewhat at odds with the historical strand in terms of delivery and tone. The present day storyline feels playful (almost pantomime-esque in parts) and also quite tongue-in-cheek – not what I was expecting from a historical mystery novel! It’s absolutely crucial that you understand what kind of book you are writer and who your intended readership is, and this will influence the tone and style of your storytelling. If you’re unsure of what kind of book you are writing, this uncertainty will shine through and in turn distance the reader from your story.

Coupled with this, I also found the conversational, almost journal-like scenes with Fay also held the reader at arm’s length. You tend to report to the reader what is happening (much like a diary entry) rather than playing the drama out and allowing the reader to experience it alongside your characters. In contrast, I found the historical scene was much more involving as you draw the reader in to the unfolding drama rather than telling them what is happening. This is an important aspect to consider when you come to rewriting this draft. Your writing needs to have an immediacy that pulls the reader in to your fictional world and immerse them so much that they’re compelled to read on.

Best wishes
Natalie Braine


Professional mini critique for Erasing Ramona by Peggy Rothschild

Congratulations on being well rated by your writing peers at YouWriteOn. I really enjoyed reading these early chapters of your mystery crime novel. It’s clear you are a natural storyteller, from having read both this and the opening of your previous novel, Clementine’s Shadow. You quickly get to the heart of a character, aligning the reader with your protagonist and making them connect with them on an emotional level. Miranda is a great character – both intriguing and multi-faceted in her portrayal.

While the premise is a well-worn one – a character returns to their childhood home for a family funeral after years of estrangement – your story never feels formulaic or predictable. The central mystery of what happened that fateful night when six people were murdered and Miranda managed to escape has huge dramatic potential. It’s key that you drip-feed the reader information and clues as the novel progresses, even if these are ambiguous, so they remain invested in the story and are kept guessing as to what really happened.

Best wishes
Natalie Braine

Professional mini critique for The Lie by K Johns

Congratulations on being well rated by your writing peers at YouWriteOn. I enjoyed reading these early chapters of your novel. The premise of a character discovering secrets and lies upon the death of a parent is one that has been tackled in many stories, as it has the potential for much mystery and drama. While I found the present day strand revolving around Julia and her dealing with both grief and anger at her mother’s deception, I found the past strand, written from the perspective of her father Jack, was much more involving. It’s important that Julia’s storyline isn’t just her searching for clues and answers – she needs to have her own arc and subplots too. I think you need to work on her opening chapters, to ensure they really pull the reader into your story. They need to have the same intrigue and immediacy as Jack’s scenes, otherwise your novel will feel unevenly weighted, with the reader rushing Julia’s section to get to Jack’s.

I also think you need to explore and portray Julia and Peter’s relationship in a more involving way. You need to get to the heart of their tensions, but not overstate them. Remember that less is often more – that as much can be said by what is left unspoken than what is verbalised. I think there needs to be a more dramatic focus for Julia’s plotline rather than just her delving into the past, otherwise the present will feel bland in comparison to the rest of your novel.

Best wishes
Natalie Braine


ProfessionalCritique
 23 Sep 2013, 14:08 #172719 Reply To Post
Random House Editor Reviews

Mot and the Gates to Hades

Dear Julian,

Congratulations on being chosen for review. I have very much enjoyed reading about Mot and his adventures, and there’s a lot to like about the novel. I do think there are a few areas that it could be worth looking at a little more so I do hope my notes are useful to you as you revisit the manuscript.

TONE
Mot’s voice is a strong vivid one that as an adult reader I enjoyed very much, even laughing out loud at some of his one-liners and his sarcastic observations on humans. I do wonder if it is actually a little too adult in places, though. Your target audience of 9-12-year-olds won’t generally be having the story read to them, they’ll be reading alone, and so they might miss some of the more subtle humour.

I also wondered if the sarcastic tone and the cockiness that is so much a part of Mot’s personality sometimes reduced the tension in the action scenes. When he’s being chased by the dogs, for example, knowing he isn’t worried about his own safety means that we aren’t either. Likewise, when he’s swallowed by Dalmos, because we know at this point that he’s immortal we aren’t quite in the action with the immediacy that I think we possibly could be. It might be worth taking at look at these places to see if we could see Mot in potentially serious danger despite his immortality? Maybe we could see him panicking about being stuck in Dalmos’s digestive system for years – something like that? To see more of a vulnerability in Mot in these scenarios could really help, I think.

As part of this, I also think that adding an element of vulnerability to his character in general could also make Mot a little more likeable than he is at the moment. I do like his distinctive, disrespectful voice but I wonder if we could have more of a balance? In him being haunted by Sendark, we do get a hint of this but for new readers it won’t have the same impact as those who have read book one. Perhaps we could see flashes of him being lonely, for example, would that work?

The relationship with Dalmos as it develops will also be key in this and I think you need to make sure you show off their very distinct personalities as they interact with each other.
In general I wonder if you might want to pitch your target readership a little younger? Whilst there is a huge amount of good stuff in here, I think there might not be quite the level of twists and turns and sophisticated action-adventure a 12-year-old might expect in a novel like this compared to series like Percy Jackson, for example. Older readers do also tend to enjoy a child human as opposed to an animal one. Perhaps you could aim for the 7-9 child reader instead –though obviously it’s a story the whole family can enjoy.

CONTEXT
I love your twist on an often-told story and period of history, and I actually wondered if you could do more with this. The educational angle – the story of Troy and the mythology and history of your novel – could give an extra push for parents, teachers and librarians to choose your book over another. Perhaps you could think about adding in some additional information at the back of the book about the things your book is based on?

Within the story too I think you could make the links clearer for those younger readers who might not be so familiar with the Greek myths. At the moment I think perhaps you’ve been a little too subtle and some children might not completely grasp that this is the story of Troy. I did wonder if having a child character on the boat might help? Having them interact with Mot, asking and answering questions could really be useful and interesting for your readers.

SEQUEL VS STAND-ALONE
In the second (and subsequent books) in a series it’s always tricky to get the right balance of what to leave out and what to tell your readers in terms of back story. I think in general you’ve got a very successful balance but there were a few places where I felt that more was needed. With Mot himself, I did feel that I needed more on how he became the enchanted rat he now is. What exactly are the powers he now has and why does he have them? Is he still aging even though he’s immortal? Why is he now in Greece? Where else has he been? I think a little more on these elements will make Mot a more rounded character in this book.

Reading on through your synopsis I see that the plot does hinge on the arrival of characters from book one. With Sendark, I would suggest that we know more about him before we actually meet him – and the same with Pif and Hom too – to make sure that the plot and the flow of the story really can stand alone for new readers.

The very best of luck, to you and Mot. I’m very pleased to have read this.

All best wishes,
Ruth, Editor, Random House


Random House Editor Mini-Reviews


Clementine’s Shadow by Peggy Rothschild

I enjoyed this extract very much, it feels slick and fresh, and I’m sure will appeal to readers of the crime genre. Your opening chapters are very well paced, giving us a powerful, eerie opening and then a well-rounded introduction to the main characters.

Crime is an ever-popular genre and a constantly crowded area of the market so you’ll need to make sure that your novel stands out from the others wherever possible, making sure that Casey Lang is strong enough to carry the book. I think you’ve done a great job of the character; she does seem to have the right balance of kick-ass and a haunted past. There were a few places where I felt that maybe we could see more of her personality – her thoughts, feelings, reactions etc – and also places where I think there could be more atmosphere – when she feels she’s being watched, for example, when the photos arrive in the mail, and when she struggles to draw her gun at the store. I also wanted to be fed a little detail about her life now – she’s been here seven months has she made any friends here etc?

Winston is a nice character, with some lovely flashes of emotion, and I was very intrigued by him so on reading your synopsis I’m pleased to see that he will be key to the novel.
Congratulations!

The Sugar Bullet by Jane Hales

I enjoyed this extract very much and was sucked into reading this for pleasure rather than critiquing – something that only happens when the tone, the atmosphere, the characters and the writing are beautifully balanced.
The theatrical London world you’ve created really has an air of authenticity and aspiration about it, something I think your readers will relish, and in general you’ve got a great atmosphere –constantly making your reader feel that something is about to happen.

I would love to feel as though I was getting to know Ros a little better than we do at the moment – as an individual rather than her father’s daughter. Could we see her interact with people who aren’t connected to her father? Have there been partners? Has she got close friends? You’ve conveyed her grief very nicely but I’d love to see her real world intruding more on this.

On reading the synopsis, it sounds like the story develops nicely and I love how your prologue means more the more you read.

Congratulations!


After the Tone by P M Wilson

I was very intrigued by the relationship between Jack and Janice. I don’t think you should completely lose this intrigue but I do think there are aspects of their relationship that could be a little clearer. It’s hard to work out Jack’s feelings for his wife at the moment. Sometimes they’re very clinical and at other times more tender – perhaps we could see a softer side to him in places. I think this might also help make him a little more likeable. Does he need to be more charming, so that we’re hit by the impact of his death as we need to be when it happens?

I wonder if the build up to the reveal of it being Jack on the life-support machine could be a little tighter. Perhaps there could be more atmosphere and eeriness to his dreams about Janice, that looking back would give us more clues. And it would be nice to see Jack as more puzzled over the fact that Janice has chosen to communicate with him in the way she has.

In general I enjoyed this very much; it’s a clever short story. I liked the twist when it came, and I think the title works very nicely. Congratulations.

Ruth, Random House Editor


ProfessionalCritique
 23 Sep 2013, 14:09 #172720 Reply To Post
Orion Editor Critique of Samir

See attachment for Editor’s line critique.

Generally good, a few tweaks to prose needed but not many. Tricky to judge on narrative and plot, as of course it has to represent the truth, but I'm afraid I've treated it as fiction for my purposes, and marked up what didn't add up or felt odd. It may well be that the answer is 'that's how it happened', but that's for the author to decide!

It sounds like a fascinating story, and I hope the author and 'Samir' keep working on it. My instinctive reaction is that it feels too much like fiction as it stands, and might struggle with a biography audience - but then I'm a fiction editor, so perhaps that's a natural reaction!

Congratulations on getting so far. You should be very proud of your work.

Marcus, Editor, Orion.

Attachments
Samir.doc (70Kb) - 301 view(s)
gyjcg
 23 Sep 2013, 15:17 #172721 Reply To Post
Many thanks to Ruth for these detailed comments on "Mot and the Gates to Hades". I will bear them in mind when coming to redraft the book.
Chris Pitt
 23 Sep 2013, 16:31 #172722 Reply To Post
Dear Ted,

please pass on my thanks to Nick at Bloomsbury for his helpful suggestions. I had toyed with the idea of writing it as a script, though I was thinking of the screen rather than radio. But it's worth consideration and I'll mull it over.

Cheers,

Chris
lamb with attitude
katarina66
 27 Sep 2013, 10:44 #172808 Reply To Post
Quote: ProfessionalCritique, Monday, 23 Sep 2013 14:09
Orion Editor Critique of Samir

Many thanks for your critique.
Follow the Dove
The Broken Horizon
Of Time and Distance (in process)
JaneDH
 27 Sep 2013, 17:33 #172813 Reply To Post
Thanks so much Ruth for your kind comments about The Sugar Bullet. Happily Ros does have a flatmate and a best friend - I'll try moving their introductions to the opening chapters. Thanks again, Jane.
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