© Abi Holmes
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Buns, baps, jugs, fun bags, boobs, snuggle bumps, boobies, air bags, blouse bunnies, mammaroonies (a personal favourite, for the fact of how stupid it sounds) dumplings, tits (HATE HATE HATE!) or just plain old breasts. All girls have them, even some men have them, so why the hell do the majority of men stare at them, it’s just like us girls looking at a guy’s crotch to work out how big they are down there. Ok, I’ll give you a little credit blokes, you sometimes do get them thrust on you, for example- Jordan… but they are plastic and always out, well they were till Peter or Alex or who ever she’s married to now … but when we actually try to hide them, there is a reason, WE DON’T WANT YOU TO STARE AT THEM! Thing is no matter how hard I try to hide them, it just doesn’t work… I’m a size 34HH! All natural, I assure you, I wouldn’t make them this size in my life. I haven’t always been this size, it wasn’t until I was 20 that they got THIS big, here’s a little summary-
Ages 13-16: 32C, nice little pert ones, not too big not too small, just right to a small framed girl at school.
Age 16: 32DD, not quite over night, but almost, well it seemed like it, just after I started sixth form too! Getting some attention from a few hot guys, so don’t mind too much
Age 17: 32F, feeling slightly ridiculous when builders wolf whistle me in the street, taken to wearing baggier tops, gone from a size 10 to a size 14-16 to make them look a little bit more in proportion… am starting to get annoyed with the fact that I can’t even run up or down stairs without getting knocked out, have to well and truly strap them down to play basketball at sixth form
Age 18: 32G, started college now, got a boyfriend who I live with, so am a little bit more relaxed with body, back to wearing size 12 to show the girls’ off, to my boyfriend only, not any old perv walking down the high street. Doing drama is kind of hard, especially some of the more physical stuff…
Age 19: 34G, got fatter and well pregnant, this is at 5 months in to the pregnancy, glad I finished college, luckily it was a foundation degree so it was only 2 years, my back is hurting in 3 different places, and my baby’s not even that big now!
Age20: 34HH, just after baby, ok, these will go down after 12 months when I stop producing milk for little Lily-Jean, I do worry I may suffocate her sometimes…
Still aged 20 (now): 34HH, Lily-Jean is 6 months old… the breast have no sign of shifting, very annoyed… mighty painful too, even worse around time of the month, I have to do something about this.
As you can see, it’s not fair. For one, I should be a size 12-14 naturally now, I am (almost- come on baby fat doesn’t just go after having a baby, not like how these celebs seem to do it) everywhere apart from those two. And I can understand you currently thinking- “why is this girl obsessed with her boobs!” or “I’d kill for naturally big boobs.” No you wouldn’t, ask most of the girls who are even close to my size and you’ll see it’s not as brilliant as these stars like Pamela Anderson and Katie Price say. It comes with its share of simply crap things, like for one- men staring, as I have said. If you’re out to get blokes attention then ok, do it, but when you’re an insecure single mum who’s just out for some nappies for her screaming baby you don’t want to be chatted up, wolf whistled at, or even just stared at. In fact, of the 3, staring is the worst, I’m not a freak. Another bad point is sleeping, you just can’t do it with built in pillows, men may be able to sleep on them quite happily, but you yourself cannot sleep. On my side- one sags on the other crushing lungs, on my back-they both just plainly crush lungs and go under arms, and on the front, well your head’s possibly off the pillow, and it hurts, A LOT. Back pain, as if being in a car crash at 16 wasn’t bad enough; you are majorly weighed down so you naturally go with gravity. Gravity is a personal hate of mine, as it brings my boobs down so much that they sag to about 3 inches away from my belly button so I have to always wear a bra. And finally clothes, and the extra costs, I brought a bra the other day from one of these speciality big size bra shops, £38! Most women can get at least 3 for that price, it wasn’t even a particularly exotic one; it was just a basic t-shirt bra. Shirts are a pain too as they don’t stretch, and they either have to be about 3-4 sizes too big for me, or special ones that cost a bomb, I have to wear big t-shirts or stretchy tops, in fact, some I’ve made myself, well adjusted one way or another.
Welcome to my life, why else would I even be telling you this. Every day these two growths on me rule my life, ok they have their useful points like they do get some nice guys attention, but they are mostly bad. I wouldn’t mind even if they were say 4 sizes smaller, I may look a bit more proportionate, but they are ridiculous, I can get my head in to ONE of the cups of my bra, easily!
I can’t say I have a crap life, it’s just the boobs, the rest of my life is bloody great, I have a beautiful baby girl, named after the two most important women in my life, grandmas Lily and Jean, two incredible women who I’ll tell you about later, I have a great (new) job in an advertising company, excellent friends, an amazing mum who will help out whenever I need it, and my favourite bit, my band: "Under Construction" which does covers of bands such as- No Doubt, Lash, Beautiful South, Pink Floyd and Madness along with others, and our own stuff too. It’s made up of me, Zara, obviously, taking the lead vocals, Tom on bass, Chris our drummer, and he also does quite a bit of our writing, Jamie on lead guitar and backing vocals, he does some amazing solos and Ryan our rhythm guitar and again a backing vocalist, he doesn’t say a lot to most people. We’ve been together since we were 14, and been playing gigs all that time, going from strength to strength, at first it was the school shows, now we have regular slots at a local music house and the local alternative clubs and the nearby Uni. We have our own website, which I had a lot of fun making and a couple of self made CD’s which are able to be bought off the site.
Right so its 3 months till my 21st birthday (5th August) and 6 months till Lily-Jean’s 1st birthday (31st October-lucky her), two big milestones that my big milestones cannot dictate or ruin. This is going to be hard. I have 3 gigs before my birthday too, and another 1 just after, and I have to go up to Manchester for a marketing pitch and doing the latest advert that I have been in charge of over the next 3 weeks, which will be great with a tiny baby, luckily I have my step grandma who I can stay with and she will love spending time with my little baby.
So tired today, LJ kept me up all night, had to hang some lavender over her cot and practically get in with her, after a while she was asleep, after being fed, burped, changed, sung to, read to, fed and burped again, rocked slowly, taken in the pram up and down the street where we live, played with her toys with her, and then finally she went after singing to her again, I almost resorted to ringing my mum, but luckily she fell asleep before I needed to ring anyone, phew.
Jack at work is getting at me again, not to do with my work, never is, he thinks my work is amazing, he’s asked me out for a drink again. A 47 year old divorced advertising perv with facial hair and some sort of strange cologne that just makes him smell like dust… not really my type.
-My type: tall, 23-28, loves kids, possible has one himself, good steady job, chunky, not too fat not skinny, is genuine e.g. not always checking out my boobs or bum, smart enough so I actually can have a grown up talk to him, and a good dress sense and great taste in music, looks are good too, but I’m not stunning so he doesn’t have to be, more homely I’d like. I know he wouldn’t happen to have all these qualities, and if he did he’d probably be gay or likely to borrow my clothes, may start to worry a bit then-
I would be a little bit flattered if Jack wasn’t a 47 year old divorced advertising perv with facial hair. Even without the facial hair he would be ok, I guess. (I met his poor ex wife once, she was stunning, god knows what she saw in him) O yes I have a thing about beards… my dad had one, not that I can remember much about him, but the beard did freak me out when I was a little kid, and it seemed to have scarred me for life.
My day brightened up later on, I picked up LJ from the day crèche in the office and she was an angel, for once, quiet as a mouse, I did check that they hadn’t drugged her, but they said they put music on which calmed her down, obviously reminded her of bed times when I sing to her. I decided I didn’t want to cook today so went to the local pub/restaurant. It was nice, it wasn’t too busy and there was no one in the family area. I’ve been there a few times and their always they are always so nice to me, I first went there when heavily pregnant just after my ex abandoned me so I think they take pity on me. I went up to order and there was one of the chefs speaking to the manager who I was ordering from, he was polite and smiled at me, and waved at Lily, who was waving frantically, more than she normal does, usually she just sits there and enjoys the attention… The manager couldn’t have been much older than me, and had obviously been working for the company since the day he left school. He apologised for the fact that James, the chef, was out here, and I told him I was fine with it, and that my little baby seemed to enjoy the attention. I went to go and sit back at my table and waited for my meal whilst juggling my daughter and doing some work on this presentation I had coming up in the next couple of weeks. It must have been about 15-20 mins later and I see the chef coming towards my table with my food, I was a bit confused as usually it’s the floor staff who bring out the food.
Zara- Hi there
James- we weren’t that busy in the kitchen and there was no one else to bring your food out so I said I’d do it.
Zara- o thanks
At this point my baby on my lap is bouncing up and down waving and gurgling at James, he smiles and waves back
James- she's gorgeous, how old is she?
I’m glad I can read people easily, he wasn’t being weird, and there was true warmth in what he said
Zara- she's 6months old, believe it or not, she's about the size of an 11 month old, she's a big baby
James- she's lovely, looks just like you, same beautiful face and eyes
Zara- everyone says we look very similar, I guess her dad had no useful genes what so ever
James- you look very familiar, I think I may have served you, you were pretty upset and I doubt you recognised me I had a bit longer hair back then.
Zara- yeah I remember, god I didn’t stop talking
James- yeah, you were very open with everything, although seemed really reserved to telling anyone else, you were about 6 months pregnant then weren’t you
Zara- yeah that’s me, I’m sorry, I was in a bit of a mess, as I’m sure you remember, I didn’t stop talking about the way that my boyfriend left me
James- I didn’t mind, you were making my job a lot easier, and having a pretty girl to talk to is really nice on a slow night
O god he just told me I’m pretty, danger danger, run Zara run! Ok, this guy is GORGEOUS! but are you ready to be used, or whatever?!?!?!
Zara- well I remember that you made me feel much better, none of my mates could really help as either they were mates with him too, or just threatened to hunt him down and hurt him. Not exactly what I was after. But you spoke to me sympathetically
Silence, I tried to remember something that he said, man that was long ago
Zara- I remember something, you have a little boy right, about 3 years old?
James- yeah, I see him more now
Zara- yeah I remember you saying you were fighting to see him more and everything
He told me that his ex had used him to get pregnant and then left him half way through to be with some other guy, and not involve James in anything, at least I tried to involve my ex.
James- I best get back to work, and I don’t want your food to get cold. Sorry what was your name, I can’t quite remember, Sarah or something?
Zara- well nice to talk to you
James- this may seem a bit forward, but I finish at 7, would you like to go out for a… wait sorry you’ve got a baby, sorry, I’m being stupid
Zara- no it’s fine, my mum lives down the road, she will baby sit when ever, I’ll give her a call, I mean she can even pick up Lily-Jean from here soon and sort her out, she's brilliant to me and Lily so she’d be happy to. I’ll ring her now
James- are you sure, I mean it was a long shot just asking
Zara- its fine, here’s my number. Just realised I will have to go home to change, but I’m only about 3 minutes down the road, just ring me when you finish.
Erm I thought I wasn’t going to risk getting screwed over… he seems nice enough… right
So he gave me his number, actually rang my phone from his then and there so I knew he was telling the truth. He went back in to the kitchen and I ate, rang my mum who I met when we got home.
She's helped me dress up for the night out, did my hair nice for me, not my long plait that I can sit on, she took time to straighten it and found me a nice shirt I could wear, with some jeans and a cute pair of kitten heals. My mum is the girly version of me, I’m very much a tomboy, but she's the one who will dress me up when I need it. Luckily we’re the same size, apart from the boobs obviously, but same size shoes and trousers etc so she brought round a few nice things.
Quarter to 7, Lily-Jean is fast asleep in her cot, and mum said I should bring him round after for a cup of coffee, I’m not sure but I said I’d see how the night goes. She knows I’m worried but she reminded me that she would be here if anything happened. I might just bring him back, if I like him enough.
Phones going, it’s him! 7pm exactly!
Ok, so a few things to think about me. For one my dad: he left when I was 4, all I remember is he was a big guy with a big beard that used to freak me out. He just disappeared from us. My grandad and step grandma disowned him but kept in contact with me and mum, no one’s really spoken about him, not his sisters or anyone. Mum said he tried to contact me when I was about 12, but she wouldn’t let him, I was too precious and she did want him to mess me up. (She didn’t need to know I was getting drunk with mates and god knows what at that age… we started young, so I let her believe that I was as innocent as she wanted me to be)
Then there’s my ex. He seemed like the loveliest guy in the world, he could do no wrong or anything, he was perfect, or so it seemed. He didn’t want to have kids, “YET”, he kept saying. I found out I was pregnant after a year and half of being together. It seemed fine until about 6 months in to the pregnancy; he was going out more and things. He then came home from university one day and told me he didn’t love me any more. He would have if I had had an abortion but not now. We’d never spoken about abortion because I was totally against it, and he knew it. He said that I ruined everything; it was all my fault if I hadn’t been so selfish. He then tried to come up with some story that I’d tricked him in to getting me pregnant, or split the condom without him knowing, god knows where he got that thought from. There was a big argument which ended in me kicking him out.
I told him that if he had the decency to see his baby then he could, but if he was going to be a twat not to bother as I didn’t want my child to be hurt the way I was. He always knew I had insecurities with family life, and up until then he always made sure that it wasn’t going to be like with my parents. He was always saying how good I was, how much he didn’t deserve me and things like that. Then completely turned it on me, and I didn’t know what to do, I was completely thrown, 6 months pregnant and manically depressed. I moved back in to my mum’s house for 2 months because I was so unable to cope. I managed to get myself back on my feet, and found a house close to my mum so I could count on her in times of need but far enough that she wouldn’t be intruding on me and my little unborn baby.
My mum, as I said before is great! As soon as I found out I was pregnant, amazingly at the same age she was when she fell pregnant to me, I told her and she was over the moon at only 38, she was very happy to be a grandma, well mama as she wants to be called. She went to all my appointments and prenatal classes with me, and was even my birthing partner. She took me shopping for everything, from maternity clothes to cribs and even paint for my baby’s room. She was my rock, but even though she did all this for me, she always made sure with me it was ok for her to be so helpful and let me be independent and have my own way.
I met James at the pub, he was very slim and tall, a good 5 or 6 inches taller than me. He was waiting for me at the bar wearing a skinny black t-shirt and some faded (purposely) ripped jeans. Out of his pocket came a silver chain which was hooked on to one of the belt hooks, a triple studded belt . His hair, which was hidden by a hat when he was in his work uniform, was short brown and a bit messy. I knew he was hot in his work stuff but this was just so hot! I realised that I might have had an open mouth and closed it very quickly, thinking how stupid I must have looked. He reminded me of a guy from school I once fancied, he was a couple of years above me, and had so many girls flocking round him. I didn’t think he even noticed me but once, last day he was at school, he was walking behind me in the corridor, when this girl tripped me up, she was always an evil little bitch, little being the operative word, I was 5ft 8 at the time, and she was just about 5 foot, she was obviously jealous of my long legs. Anyway, she tripped me up and before I knew what was happening I was flying backwards. This guy caught me, he was like an angel. It was very strange, he managed to catch me, and my huge bag, without any problem, I mean like I said I wasn’t small, and he didn’t even seem to strain, he smiled at me, stood me up properly, and got the girl suspended for me, he even walked me down to the nurses office which was the other end of the school. I was very confused and everything, but he was there looking after me big time. He was very sweet. He even knew my name, without having to ask, I didn’t even know his name!
James took me to this little place next to the river, it was gorgeous, very a relaxed place, low lighting, comfy sofas and really cheap. James told me about his little boy, and I spoke about LJ, we spoke about our exs, in fact James went to my ex’s school, although was 4 years above him. We both came from broken homes ourselves, except, he lived with his dad not his mum, and she was the one who cheated on his dad. It was nice to actually talk to someone who knew what it was like, with a similar life to mine. We got on so well, and it wasn’t sexual, it was deeper, it was great.
James walked me back home, and pecked me on the cheek when we got to my house. I’d ummed and arred about inviting him in, and finally caved and asked him in for a coffee, which he accepted. Mum left almost instantly, without embarrassing me, and without me asking her. We sat there just talking, getting to know each other better even more, at about 1 am we decided it would be better for him to go, mainly because LJ woke up screaming with teething pains. Before he left he did give me a couple of hints for Lily’s pain, something that worked well on his little one, and then pecked me on the lips as he left. He kept texting me until I couldn’t keep my eyes open, which to be honest wasn’t too long after he left, but it was nice, then we said good night for the final time. I couldn’t have planned the night to go any better. It was pretty much perfect, maybe a bit too skinny but still, he was a guy who wasn’t just after one thing, he has a kid, and he’s damn hot, all the things and more that made him so perfect to me.
I was woken rather rudely at 7 am by my neighbours having sex. Thin walls are the worse things ever, however, it’s not as bad as the flat I shared with my ex, we swore that the girl upstairs hung out on street corners or something, there was a different guy there almost every night and they were ALWAYS noisy. I don’t think I could make noises she made even if I tried, no matter how good it was. At least my new neighbours are newlyweds; it’s expected of them to be at it like rabbits all the time. I had some breakfast, and a well deserved cup of coffee, thank god I don’t get hangovers, even though I didn’t drink much as I was still breastfeeding. About an hour later LJ woke up, very hungry, I don’t know where she puts it, but that girl can drink milk and eat rusks till the cows come home and not even show it, like me. Good genes, I think she’s going to store it all up and be as leggy and busty as me, hopefully not quite as a bad as me on both respects, but she must be planning something good from the amount she eats. I fed LJ then put her in her bouncy chair, handed down from my mother, and got dressed for my day of shopping with my best mate Clara. I decided I would risk it, with it being warmer, and wear a tank top, low cut, and some low cut boot flare jeans and my vans, most girls wouldn’t find this very feminine or attractive, but on me it works really well, got to love the curves, also it is extremely comfy, and perfect for a single practical “yummy” mummy. I even let my hair go loose, with its natural slightly wavy look. I popped on a little bit of make-up and then got out a pair of dungarees and t-shirt for LJ and also her fake converses (look like real converses on an adult, just at a smidgen of the price, thank you Primark!) her red ringlets looked gorgeous on the top of her head, she was just starting to get them growing out of the typical “baby fur” style hair, the poor girl was seemingly blessed with my pale skin, and my strawberry blonde hair, perfect with her deep green eyes, also inherited from myself, only darker like emeralds, not pea green like mine.
By this time it was past 9 am, thanks to a wriggle bum, so we got the push chair, and all the bits and bobs you need when you have a small infant- nappies, wipes, nappy bags, nappy rash cream, toys, spare clothes, spare spare clothes, juice, water, rusks, blanket, coat, sun shade, rain shield... the list goes on, not to mention all the basic stuff you need like keys and mobile, then went on our way. We needed to catch the bus in to the city, mainly because I couldn’t be bothered to walk in, but also for the fact that we were running late and it is quite a distance. Buses are the best places to take a small baby, because there are so many old people who use buses, who all coo and go silly round a baby. Also because LJ is such a people baby, she loves the attention. However with buses you never know who you may bump in to and more than likely it’s not someone you’re looking forward to seeing. Luckily for me it wasn’t the person who I least wanted to see in the world, but the second.
It was an old colleague from when I was still at college and working part-time in a music store. His name was Cal, and he was the most gorgeous man I had ever met, about equal to James, just in different ways gorgeous, he had spiky black hair, with come to bed brown eyes the colour of melted dark chocolate, he was also slightly dark skinned, with Italian back ground he managed to tan the second the sun came out, even in the middle of winter he was a yummy golden colour. He was shorter than me, which normally was a major turn off for me, but being 5 foot 10+, you only have a limited choice of men taller than you. He had his lip pierced and a tattoo on his left arm just large enough you could see it poking out of the bottom of his t-shirt. He had muscles but not to stupid extremes, just so that when he tensed you could feel the strength. He was 22 when I met him, 3 years older than me. He had been there a year already by the time I got there, and pretty much trained me on the tills and in the store room. We got on like a house on fire, and soon became great mates. We both had similar interests, both played guitar, although he wasn’t in a band, both enjoyed basketball and football and had the same taste in music and games. He was just about to start a degree in game design, and I was starting my second year at college doing my FdA. I was obviously with my ex at this point, living together, very happy and I wasn’t pregnant either. Cal and I shared a lot with each other, we were pretty much best mates, and we were always there for each other, I was someone to talk to when his ex ditched him, and when his parents split up, and he was there when me and my ex had arguments.
About four months after we met, it was the company Christmas party. We were all invited to a meal and then to a club afterwards, which was rented out for us, just our store alone. Partners were invited too, but at the time my ex was away in Austria skiing with his university, so I went to the party alone. Clara and my mum had taken me shopping and found me a gorgeous knee length low cut red dress, which made my boobs look great, and because at the time I was a little chubby, made my waist look smaller. They curled my hair and I had some silver eye shadow very professionally done to make it look subtle but still made my eyes look beautiful, done by Clara, who at the time was doing a makeup course at college in the evenings on top of the FdA with me. I had to admit, I did look amazing. At the party everyone was commenting on how good I looked, and because all the people, apart from a couple of Xmas temps, were male, I was flattered. They all learnt very quickly at work I was a tom boy and just as tough and as strong as most of them. This “Party Zara” was a whole new side of me that they saw, and really only came out for special occasions. Cal had come alone too, as he had just been dumped. We spent the night almost glued to each other, he looked after me all night and made sure I was ok, sat next to me at the meal and kept buying me drinks despite a lot of free drinks provided by the club. We were dancing and having lots of fun together, like two good mates do. We both were getting quite drunk, although, both felt fine, after a while we went out to the balcony of the club to get some air. Forgetting how cold it was I forgot to grab my coat, so Cal wrapped his round both of us, and rubbed my legs to keep them warm. We had been innocently flirting all night, but I had noticed that he couldn’t help but focus on my boobs all night, but then again I was asking for it with that dress. I was still pretty cold so he pulled me close to him and hugged me tightly, keeping me warm, so I hugged him back. One of his hands slipped lower to my hip, where he aimlessly stroked my love handles. It was nice, and I realised I was doing the same to his back.
I can’t remember who actually went in for the kiss, although I think it was both of us, but it just kind of happened, it was a mix of lust, passion and love. It was electric through my body, like nothing I had ever felt before, not even with my ex. Part of the fact I think it was so good, was because it was so wrong; I was with someone and he had just come out of a relationship. But I couldn’t help myself. It was so intense. His hands were all over me, in particularly my bum and boobs, but I didn’t care, I was doing the same, grabbing his bum with just enough force it kind of hurt, but was sexy too. We were so close, and I was almost on top of him, I could feel his erection on the inside of my thigh when my leg was over him, it was such a turn on knowing the effect it was having on him too. We were out there for about 15 minutes, before anyone noticed we had gone, then Cal’s best mate Sam, who also worked with us, came out and we stopped, luckily just before he saw anything. We went back inside, both feeling a lot warmer than before. We went and bought some more drinks again, his hand firmly placed on my arse as if it was going to go somewhere, and my hand in his back pocket, I knew they had a good use, back pockets, not just somewhere where you put your keys in to them and forget about it until you sit down and end up spiking yourself in the bum cheek with them.
We decided, rather than make it obvious that we were going home together, that we would wait till the end and walk back to mine, rather than leave together early on. The one problem was Sam, he was coming back to mine too. Luckily for us, my flat was at the time a 2 bed room place, and the lounge was furthest away from the master bed room, and also everything was pretty sound proof. On the walk home I told Sam he was sleeping in the lounge and Cal he was in the spare, the reason being, the bathroom was closer to Sam as he was much more pissed than Cal. This also helped him just to agree to anything, so we didn’t have much fuss from him. I set him up on the sofa and he fell straight to sleep. Cal was waiting for me on my bed.
I quietly closed the door, just in case Sam woke to the sound of it. I slipped off my shoes and walked over to the bed, Cal put his arms round my waist and pulled me on top of him kissing me so passionately, yet strangely tender, it was the perfect amount of both.
Quickly I felt the bulge of his erection once more against my leg, this time he was grinding up and using it to rub against my clit. He slid his hands down the back of my dress, due to the back being open to just above my bum, and he gripped my arse tightly, pulling me even closer. Using the fact that all I was wearing underneath was a lacy thong, he ground up closer to me more, making me even more wet than already I was. With one hand still on my arse he slid the other up my back and unhooked my bra and untied the halter neck of my dress. He then pulled off my dress, and left my unhooked bra where it was.
Whilst he was doing this I was unbuttoning his shirt and left him to pull it off when he untangled his arms from around me, and started to unbutton his cords, which, with his penis trying to escape, was actually pretty difficult. He took off his top once he left me in my bra and thong, and I pulled off his trousers leaving him just in his boxers and socks. He then span us round and he was on top of me, he quickly got rid of my bra, and fixed his lips to one of my already hard nipples, his hands caressing both breasts with the same force I had on his arse earlier. My body jolted against his penis causing him to suck harder, I wrapped my long legs around his legs and reached in to his boxers.
I stroked down his hard penis which seemed to send shivers down him, and made him get harder. I clasped round his erection and started to move up and down, slowly to start with then harder and faster as his fingers made their way to my clit. He once again flipped us over so I was on top and hinted, by pushing me down slightly to more down his body. I teased him with my tongue, not giving in to his hints, making him harder than ever. I finally gave him what he wanted, and he groaned with pleasure. He was a big guy, but luckily my reflexes are almost none existent, so when he thrust his penis further in to my mouth, he was pleasantly surprised. A wave of pleasure went around his body, and I tasted a little of his pre-cum, I pulled myself up along his body, slipping his penis between my breasts and then we were kissing again.
Once again he was on top of me and smothering my breasts and body with kisses, until he went down past my navel and teased me with quickly fluttering kisses and slightly sucking around the crease of my legs. His tongue fluttered over my clit, sending a jolt of excitement through my body, and then he was practically dancing with his tongue, he slipped his fingers inside me and started to dig his face deeper. I could feel myself about to cum, and his fingers moved to my g-spot. He was caressing it with such skill; I could barely control my body. Just as I thought I was going to cum, he slipped his fingers out and moved up my body, slipping his rock hard penis in to me. Another ripple of pleasure spun around my body and I knew he had felt the same thing. I remember thinking “Thank fuck I’m on the pill”.
He was a very sensual lover, a mix of romantic and rough. It was making love, not just sex, which it always seemed to be with my ex. Cal made sure everything was right for me, that he wasn’t in too deep and hurting me, that I was comfortable in the position we were in. He made me feel special; in a way no other lover had done before and I’m sure, will do again. It wasn’t about him or me, it was about us. It wasn’t about him cumming, or making me scream, it was about connection between two people. It was about love.
When I saw him on the bus, all my past feelings about the months me and him had shared had all come back to me, the memories of us making love. It had been just over a year since we last slept together, when I couldn’t hide my pregnancy from him unless dressed. I didn’t want him to screw himself up by thinking that it may or may not have been his child, and I didn’t think he could cope with the responsibility. At the time I was willing to stay with my ex, and let him think it was his baby, if Cal had known, I think he would have spilt the beans about us, and want to know if the baby was his. I couldn’t risk losing both of them, but inevitably I did.
I sat at the front of the bus, where the big gap for buggies and wheelchairs is and got out one of LJ’s favourite teddies and started to play with it with her. The bus joined a huge traffic jam, which I then realised was all the way in to the city so got my baby out of her pushchair.
“She’s gorgeous, she looks just like you, what’s her name?” A voice said next to me. It was Cal. He’d come and sat next to me quickly and quietly.
“Lily-Jean” I said, realising there was a large lump forming in my throat. I felt a mixture of about to cry and about to be sick. I didn’t realise his presence would have so much of an effect on me.
“You and your boyfriend must be so happy”